Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Resolve

I’m not a procrastinator by nature. Knowing there’s something I should be doing while I’m killing time doing something else makes me all edgy and squirmy and grumpy.

So today, I’m grumpy. Actually, I got a jump on it and started being grumpy last night. Instead of emailing the list of contacts sitting in my inbox for Pitstops for Kids, I decided to spend over an hour trying to download an episode of Mad Men. And normally I’d be very proficient at such things, so I can only conclude that deep down, I wanted to fail. And thereby run out of time for anything else.

Damned psyche.

So I’m only now getting to those emails, and making more coffee, and trying to talk Toby into the concept of preschool after a three week break. And I’m dressed for my morning run, but also just ate a big bowl of cereal, so yeah…that probably won’t happen until later. And that’s a problem because I really need to go on a long run, not a short run, because in a moment of misguided confidence (and some well-played peer pressure), I signed up for a marathon relay, and at the time, it seemed like eons away, but now it’s...holy hell! In two freaking weeks! And last I looked, the check’s been cashed and at this point, my training consists of organizing my play list for optimal forget-you-feel-like-you‘re-dying-ness, and relying pretty heavily on that runner’s high that kicks in around Mile 6.

So in summary, I’m not running, obviously not emailing, not getting Toby ready for school, and this hardly bears mentioning, but needless to say I’m not vacuuming or doing the dishes, either…both on the list. I’m also not tackling the 345 page manuscript that’s sitting on my desk, and has been sitting here, waiting for school to start so I can get my ass in gear and start working again.

That’s right…The Novel that Won’t Die is back. A newly marked up version, anyway, which I will now transform into Draft #4, which will be the draft of awesomeness that takes the literary world by storm.

Like lead into gold, baby. (This huge stack of paper sure feels like lead, anyway.)

But wait. Centuries of alchemists, and not one of them actually figured out how to do that, did they?

So I’ll put that right here at the bottom of my list of things I probably won’t get done today: Turn lead into gold. Then transform said gold into ink on paper…genius ink on paper.

Of course, if I could do that, it stands to reason that I would have done it two years ago.

But because procrastination makes me squirmy, I’m a big fan of resolutions. Usually, I lean toward big, angry, self-flagellating resolutions like consume nothing but protein water for a month or write 5000 words a day or until your fingers bleed or get off the computer and bake something for your family…horrible things like that. This year, a wise friend of mine suggested making only positive resolutions as opposed to punishment ones. And I like this idea, but the more I think about it, the more I realize this won’t apply to me, because the things I want to do? I do. In short order. The fun stuff I (miraculously) already make time for. That’s right: I eat my metaphorical dessert first.

Which is probably how I got into this procrastination predicament in the first place. And is probably why my iPhone apps are all updated but my checkbook is not balanced.

But now, I’m getting really, really squirmy, so I’m going to go drop the unwilling preschooler off, run five miles even though I really don‘t have time, beat my head against the keyboard while the novel doc mocks me on the screen, then drink a hearty glass of protein water.

Happy 2010, everyone.
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