Tuesday, May 26, 2009

It's Tuesday, and you know what that means! Oh, that's right, you don't...but you will! Read on!

Writing my Open Letter of Apology to the Subway Sandwich Guy was so fun, it gave me an idea. Or actually, it inspired me to steal an idea. See, it’s come to my attention that many people who blog (wait, make that People Who Blog, or PWB) add regular features on their sites with cute, alliterating titles like Photo Friday or Works for Me Wednesday. When I saw these, I rolled my eyes a bit, because that's what I do to hide my insecurity (those woman really know how to rock a pie crust and/or a dry erase board)! But I love Photo Friday…hell, I participate in Photo Friday. It’s run by the lovely Debbie at Delicious Baby, whom I've worked with for Pitstops for Kids.

Wow, plug, plug, and plug. What was I saying? Ah yes...see, apparently, readers like logging in on a given day and knowing what they’ll be getting. And they like blogs that update more often than once a week. Did you know that about yourselves?

At any rate, that's what the PWB say, and who am I to argue with the PWB? And I’ll just come right out and say it: I want to be at the cool kids table! So after much brainstorming, I’ve decided that for the indefinite future (ie for as long as I feel like it), we’ll be having Open Letter To…Tuesdays here at Never-True Tales. See that alliteration? Hmm? Nice, huh? There’s two minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

Look for it on, well, Tuesdays. And if it’s fun, I might even add a place to link your own open letters like the really cool kids do, thus forcing allowing you to participate, too (at least those of you who are PWB). Trust me, I won’t be running out of material any time soon. I have many people/institutions/general factions of society I have been dying to address….starting with…Dominos Pizza.

Open Letter to Dominos:

Please stop baking pasta into bread bowls. No one can eat that many carbs in one sitting. No, not even Americans. Well, we certainly shouldn’t anyway. Annnnnnd now I’m hungry. At nine pm. Sitting on my couch. No wonder we’re the second-most overweight country in the world. (That’s right, second. Take that, Australia.)

Signed, the woman constantly trying to lose five pounds


Open letter to parents at the park, May 25th:

Yes, that was my son pulling down the ’caution’ tape encircling the rusted-over chain link fence, then climbing it with bare feet. Yes, I heard you muttering about tetanus shots and neglectful parenting. No, I still didn’t come forward to claim him. Because how could I, after that?

Sincerely, the mother of the responsibly inoculated child

And lastly, because I can’t cook, sew, or craft, and therefore never have anything of value to offer the Works for Me Wednesday crowd:

What Works for Me

1. Coffee. Every morning. Of every day.
2. A husband who can balance a checkbook (and does so regularly).
3. Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia.
4. Our Sony personal DVD player on road trips.
5. Children in school from 8-2.

Trust me, it can work for you, too.
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